I Drank Some Boiling Water Because I

I Was In A Convenience Store, Reading A Magazine. The Clerk Told Me, "this Is Not A Library!" "ok! I Will Talk Louder, Then!"

I Had The Cab Driver Drive Me Here Backwards, And The Dude Owed Me $27.50.

Imagine If You Were A Drummer, And You Accidentally Picked Up Two Magic Wands Instead Of Sticks. There You Are, Keeping The Beat, The Next Thing You Know, Your Bass Player Turns Into A Can Of Soup.

My Friend Said To Me, You Know What I Like? Mashed Potatoes. I Was Like, Dude, You Have To Give Me Time To Guess. If You're Going To Quiz Me You Have To Insert A Pause.

My Roommate Says, "i'm Going To Take A Shower And Shave. Does Anyone Need To Use The Bathroom?" It's Like Some Weird Quiz Where He Reveals The Answer First.