I Don't Wear A Watch Because I

Foosball Screwed Up My Perception Of Soccer. I Though You Had To Kick The Ball And Then Spin Around And Around. I Can't Do A Back Flip, Much Less Several Simultaneously With Two Other Guys.

I Used To Do Drugs. I Still Do Drugs. But I Used To, Too.

I Went To A Record Store, They Said They Specialized In Hard-to-find Records. Nothing Was Alphabetized!

I Play The Guitar. I Taught Myself How To Play The Guitar, Which Was A Bad Decision... Because I Didn't Know How To Play It, So I Was A Shitty Teacher. I Would Never Have Went To Me.

I Bought A House, It's A Two Bedroom House, But I Think It's Up To Me To Decide How Many Bedrooms There Are. This Bedroom Has An Oven In It. This Bedroom Has A Lot Of People Sitting Around Watching Tv. This Bedroom Is Over In That Other Guy's House.