I Don't Think Women Outlive Men, Doctor.

Thanksgiving Dinners Take Eighteen Hours To Prepare. They Are Consumed In Twelve Minutes. Half-times Take Twelve Minutes. This Is Not Coincidence.

It Is My Theory You Can't Get Rid Of Fat. All You Can Do Is Move It Around, Like Furniture.

When You're Lecturing Teenagers And They Begin To Hum And Leave The Room, You Can Sense There Is Hostility.

I Was Leafing Through A Magazine Where There Was A Before-and-after Picture Of A Woman Who Went From A Size 5 To A Size 3 By Liposuction. Was She Serious? I've Cooked Bigger Turkeys Than Her "before" Picture.

Dreams Have Only One Owner At A Time. That's Why Dreamers Are Lonely.