I Don't Play Villains, I Play Very

Those Of You Who Are Not Aware Of My Brilliant Career As A Stand Up Comic, I'm Not Aware Of It Either So We Might Well Wonder What We're Doing Here.

You Know, London Is So Sprawling, And You Can Sometimes Forget That Anybody Else Is On A Stage Anywhere Else.

Do You Know That Moment When You Paint A Landscape As A Child And, When You're Maybe Under Seven Or Something, The Sky Is Just A Blue Stripe Across The Top Of The Paper? And Then There's That Somewhat Disappointing Moment When The Teacher Tells You That The Sky Actually Comes Down In Amongst All The Branches. And It's Like Life Changes At That Moment And Becomes Much More Complicated And A Little Bit More Boring, As It's Rather Tedious To Fill In The Branches.

I'm A Lot Less Serious Than People Think, It's Probably Because The Way My Face Is Put Together.

That's It Then. Cancel The Kitchen Scraps For Lepers And Orphans, No More Merciful Beheadings, And Call Off Christmas.