I Don't Like To Cook. I Can

I Admit, I Have A Tremendous Sex Drive. My Boyfriend Lives Forty Miles Away.

There's Such A Buildup Of Crud In My Oven, There's Only Room To Bake A Single Cupcake.

When Buying A New House ... Buy The House Far Enough Away From School So Your Kids Can't Come Home For Lunch.

Keep At Least One Window Pane Clean To Check The Weather. Once When I Didn't Do This I Sent The Kids Off With Umbrellas For Six Weeks Straight.

I Don’t Want To Sound Like I’m On Dope, But That Hour Is A High; It’s As Good As You Can Feel. A Wonderful, Wonderful Happiness, And Great Power.