I Don't Like People Who Drink Decaf

I Understand That If You're A Kid In Indonesia, You Need To Smoke Because You Just Got Off Work At The Nike Factory.

My Life And My Legs Have Been An Open Book.

At Some Point During Almost Every Romantic Comedy, The Female Lead Suddenly Trips And Falls, Stumbling Helplessly Over Something Ridiculous Like A Leaf, And Then Some Matthew Mcconaughey Type Either Whips Around The Corner Just In The Nick Of Time To Save Her Or Is Clumsily Pulled Down Along With Her. That Event Predictably Leads To The Magical Moment Of Their First Kiss. Please. I Fall All The Time. You Know Who Comes And Gets Me? The Bouncer.

In These Tough Economic Times, Everybody Has To Cut Back. I Am Down To Three Tabs Of Ecstasy A Day.

I Was Tortured, And Probably Half Of It Was Deserved, But I Was Bullied — So Much So That There Were Days When I Was Like, 'i Can't Go To School Today.' I Was Too Scared.