I Don't Know Why It's So Hard

All I Ask Is That You Tip Your Waiters And Waitresses. We Have To Turn This Situation Around.

The Republicans Finally Got Some Good News Over The Weekend. The North Koreans Set Off A Nuclear Bomb. Thank God. It Was So Powerful It Knocked The Mark Foley Story Right Off The Front Page. And Knocked Him Off The Page He Was On, Too.

My Favorite Halloween Candy Is The Candy Corn. It Comes In Four Colors: White, Yellow, Orange, Brown. Those Are Also The Stages Of Your Teeth Rotting After You Eat It.

Barack Obama's Mother-in-law Might Be Moving Into The White House With Him. Joe Biden Was Right. Hostile Forces Will Test Him In The First Few Months.

You Could Do Anything In Your Room At College. You Could Smoke Pot, Live In A Coed Dorm, Have A Girl. But You Couldn't Have A . . . Hot Plate!