I Don't Know If You Want To

Everyone Should Have Kids. They Are The Greatest Joy In The World. But They Are Also Terrorists. You'll Realize This As Soon As They Are Born And They Start Using Sleep Deprivation To Break You.

My Daughter's Tricycle Said "some Assembly Required." It Came In A Jar.

Mike Royce And I Have Always Had Success Writing What We Know. What We Know Now Is That We're Middle-aged, Neurotic And Fat.

Failure-it Centers Me. Too Much Success Has Me Thinking, All Right, What's Goin' On?

I've Had People Say To Me, 'look At The Sky, The Fields, The Ocean, The Beautiful Sunset. Isn't That Proof Positive Of God?' Following That Line Of Thought, Look At The Magnificent Rainbows After A Big Rainstorm. Isn't That Proof Positive That God Is Gay?