I Don't Know Any Comedian Who Tailors

Humanity Is A Crazy Contradiction. I Accept Us For Who We Are. We're Not That Great. Every Time We Take A Step Forward We Go Back To The Same Primitive Behavior. We're Meant To Be This Way. It's Not Our Fault, It's Just Who We Are.

Well... You Know, I Would Wake Up With A Terrible Hangover In A Jail Somewhere And Worst Part Was That I Would Not Know Why I Was There.

I Think If You Try To Tailor Your Act To Anybody, You End Up With An Act That Doesn't Work Anyway.

Everybody Says Before Reviews Come Out, 'oh, Reviews Don't Matter,' Just In Case They're Bad; Everyone Want To Brace Themselves.

I Used To Love The Election Season'cause It's Kind Of Fun. Everyone Makes A Big Sport Out Of It With All These Different News Stories And Everything. I Like It Better Now That Everybody Knows All The Candidates From The Past 15 Years. But It Does Get Really Ugly. It's Ugly And It's Pugilist.