I Don't Even Read The Papers. I

There's A Growing Trend Of Older Americans Who Are Using Marijuana In Their Retirement. That Makes Sense Because Old People Are Always Talking About Their Joints.

President Obama Is Getting A New Limousine That Will Have Advanced Night-vision Capabilities. The Technology Even Has A Cool Name ... Headlights.

In New York, There Are So Many Potholes, They're Like Craters On The Moon. That's Another Traffic Thing.

Trump Is Running For President And He's Wasting No Time Getting Down To Business. In Fact, Just After His Announcement He Demanded To See Jeb Bush's Birth Certificate.

Apple Is Apparently Building A Large Solar Energy Farm In North Carolina. And If There's Any Justice, The Minute They're Done Building It, God Will Introduce A Newer, Smaller Sun That's Not Compatible With Their Machinery.