I Like Being Absurd. Being Silly.

A Girl In New York Whose Parents Were On Wife Swap Is Suing The Show For 100-million Dollars For Making Her Look Like A Spoiled Brat. Note To Girl: Guess What Else Makes You Look Like A Spoiled Brat? Being 15 And Suing For A Hundred Million Dollars.

President Obama Just Made His First Presidential Trip To The State Of Utah. Obama Spent His Time In Utah Just Like You'd Expect - Telling People, 'uh, No, I Don't Play For The Jazz.'

Don't Keep Reaching For The Stars Because You'll Just Look Like An Idiot Stretching That Way For No Reason.

The 'tonight Show' Didn't Seem Like An Actual Job That You Could Have. All You Remember Is You Watched Johnny Carson, And You Never Thought He Would Retire.

Arizona Just Became The 15th State To Approve Medical Marijuana. So I Give It Three Days Before They Stop Caring About The Whole Immigration Thing.