I Don't Believe In Bad People. I

I Don't Feel Any Pressure To Be Funny At All. I'm Funny Because I Want To Be Funny. I Could Sit Here And Be Serious For An Hour And You Would Go Away And Make Me Much Funnier Than I Am.

I've Tried Everything. I've Done Therapy, I've Done Colonics. I Went To A Psychic Who Had Me Running Around Town Buying Pieces Of Ribbon To Fill The Colors In My Aura. Did The Prozac Thing.

I Expected That Most Of My Career Would Be In Dramatic Acting. My Hero Was James Dean.

I Cannot Be Contained Because I Am The Container.

My Teacher In The Seventh Grade Told Me That If I Didn't Fool Around During Class, I Could Have 15 Minutes At The End Of The Day To Do A Comedy Routine. Instead Of Bugging Everybody, I'd Figure Out My Routine. And At The End Of The Day, I'd Get To Perform In Front Of My Entire Class. I Thought It Was Really Smart Of Her. It's Amazing How Important That Was.