I Didn't Choose To Be The Guy

Bacon Bits Are Like The Fairy Dust Of The Food Community.

Well My Chocolate Is So Good I Could Sell It In An Obnoxious Prism Shape.

I'm Kind Of Like A Guy Who's Missing A Little Bit Of The Guy Gene. Like, I Love Steak, But The Notion Of Golfing Is The Last Thing I Would Want To Do. I Love Women, But I'm Also A Mama's Boy, And Some Of My Best Friends Are Women. So I'm Kinda Half Guy's Guy.

I Love Writing Stand-up So Much And Tinkering And Looking For Ideas.

I've Had Plenty Of Friends Tell Me That Their First Time Doing Stand-up, They Do Well, And Then They Tank For A While After That. Kind Of Like The First Time You Do A Drug, You're Like, "huh! This Is Pretty Darn Good," And Then You Spend All Your Money Trying To Get The Same High.