I Did Stand-up Comedy For Seventeen Years.

When A Guy Says "i Have No Idea What You're Talking About" It Means "i'm Thinking Of Exactly What You're Saying I Did While I Lie To You."

When You Are Doing Stand-up Comedy, You Are The Writer, Producer, Director, Sometimes Bouncer.

You Have To Learn The Crowd. I Just Pay Attention To Them So I Can Make Sure I Can Make Them Laugh.

In The Year 3000, Everything Will Be Instant.

I Can't Do Anything! I Can't Even Have An English Muffin!