I Could Be The Greta Garbo Of

My Body Is Dropping So Fast, My Gynecologist Wears A Hard Hat.

I Can't Like Watching Project Runway With Heidi Klum. There's Just Something Wrong About A German Woman Saying Who Goes And Who Stays

I Hate Thin People; 'oh, Does The Tampon Make Me Look Fat?'

If I Found Yoko Ono Floating In My Pool, I'd Punish My Dog.

Dogs Are Easier To Love Than People; They're Certainly More Dependable. Once They Love You, That's It. A True Friend In Life Is A Dog.