I Can't Wait To Get Off The

I Went To A Tent Store. "what Kind Of Tent Do You Need?" "circus."

I Played Golf... I Did Not Get A Hole In One, But I Did Hit A Guy. That's Way More Satisfying.

Has Anyone Seen Me On Letterman? Two Million People Watch That Show And I Don't Know Where They Are. You Might Have Seen This Next Comedian On The Late Show, But I Think More People Have Seen Me At The Store. That Should Be My Introduction. "you Might Have Seen This Next Comedian At The Store," And People Would Say "hell Yes I Have!"

You Know When You See An Advertisement For A Casino, And They Have A Picture Of A Guy Winning Money? That's False Advertising, Because That Happens The Least. That's Like If You're Advertising A Hamburger, They Could Show A Guy Choking. "this Is What Happened Once."

When We Were On Acid, We Would Go Into The Woods, Because There Was Less Chance That You Would Run Into An Authority Figure. But We Ran Into A Bear. My Friend Duane Was There, Raising His Right Hand, Swearing To Help Prevent Forest Fires. He Told Me, "mitchell, Smokey Is Way More Intense In Person!"