I Can't Cook, But I Have A

Though Part Of Me Had Always Wanted To Be A Comedian, Another Part Of Me Had Always Wanted To Be Bryant Gumbel Or Dan Rather.

Oprah Is So Rich, I Saw John Kerry Proposing To Her.

I'm Like The Hulk On Stage. It's Way Over The Top. That's Bizarro Chris. Sometimes I Get Off Stage And Go What Did I Say?! I'll Watch One Of My Stand-up Specials A Year Later And Go Eww, That Was Mean.

The Key To Staying Together Is Making Sure You Guys Like Each Other And Need Each Other.

Anything You Can Suck At Should Make You Nervous.