I Can't Afford To Die; I'd Lose

I Must Be Getting Absent-minded. Whenever I Complain That Things Aren't What They Used To Be, I Always Forget To Include Myself.

I Was Brought Up To Respect My Elders, So Now I Don't Have To Respect Anybody.

If I Paid Ten Dollars For A Cigar, First I'd Make Love To It, Then I'd Smoke It.

Dress Simply. If You Wear A Dinner Jacket, Don't Wear Anything Else On It ... Like Lunch Or Dinner.

Too Bad That All The People Who Know How To Run The Country Are Busy Driving Taxicabs And Cutting Hair.