I Am Taking The Applause Sign Home,

Mail Your Packages Early So The Post Office Can Lose Them In Time For Christmas.

Do You Know My Dream? I Really Want To Become An Aluminum-siding Salesman.

Pittsburgh Is Kind Of Like Newark Without The Cultural Advantages.

In Hollywood If You Don't Have A Shrink, People Think You're Crazy.

I Know A Man Who Gave Up Smoking, Drinking, Sex, And Rich Food. He Was Healthy Right Up To The Day He Killed Himself.