I Am Billed As A Humorist, But

I Do Not Travel. I Am Not Much Of An Extrovert, And I'm Not Much Interested In Extroverted Objects. I Do Not Care For The 'ideas' Of Novelists. Novels Are Wonderful, Of Course, But I Prefer Newspapers.

The Trouble With The Dictionary Is That You Have To Know How A Word Is Spelled Before You Can Look It Up To See How It Is Spelled.

It Is Because Of His Brain That He [modern Man] Has Risen Above The Animals. Guess Which Animals He Has Risen Above.

Aristotle Described The Crow As Chaste. In Some Departments Of Knowledge, Aristotle Was Too Innocent For His Own Good.

During His Fifteen Years In Italy, Hannibal Never Had Enough Elephants To Suit Him. Most Of The Original Group Succumbed To The Climate, And He Was Always Begging Carthage For More, But The People At Home Were Stingy. They Would Ask If He Thought They Were Made Of Elephants And What Had He Done With The Elephants They Sent Before.