I Am An Atheist. I Have A

Comedians Are Really Writers Who Don't Have Pens And Pencils About Them, But They Riff.

An Attitude Will Give You Heft.

The Absolute Truth Is The Thing That Makes People Laugh.

When You Denigrate People, They Have Two Ways To Fight Back - With Their Fists And Guns, Or Their Mouths. And Mouths Are Seemingly The Easiest Way To Not Get Hit Back. If People Are Laughing, They're Not Going To Hit You.

I Was A Teletype Operator In The Army, So That's Where I Learned To Type. One Day, I Went Downstairs To See If I Could Still Type - I Hadn't Done It For Four Or Five Years After The War. So I Typed Out A Page And I Showed It To My Wife And She Said, "where Did You Get This?" I Said I Wrote It. "you Wrote This?" It Was Something Very Funny. I Went And Wrote Another Page, Another Couple Of Pages, And By The Time I Was Finished I Had 13 Little Short Stories, Humorous Short Stories.