I Actually Very Rarely See Comedy Myself,

I Feel Very Very Old. My Hair Hurts. I Have Buttocks All Over My Body And I Can't Even Smoke Properly Any More. I Don't Have Lungs, I Just Have Two Poppadoms In Here.

If I Hadn't Done This I Might Have Ended Up Digging The Roads.

Everybody Does That Now. We All Take Pics... You Do The Same With Holiday Photos. You Record Something To Look Back On It, Even Though You’re Not Really There When You’re Taking The Picture 'cause You’re Too Busy Recording It; So You Retrospectively Go To Look Back On Where You Weren’t And Tell Yourself You Had A Good Time.

Irish People Give Big Hellos And Very Little Goodbyes. Unless They're Female, And Then They Spend Five Hours Talking In The Doorway To The Person That's Leaving Their House.

I Draw Hundreds And Hundreds Of Pictures Of Sort Of Gnarly Looking Men, So I Don't Know What That Tells You. People Who Look Like... They're Waiting For A Sandwich That's Never Going To Come. I Don't Know What's Wrong With Me.