If I Hadn't Done This I Might

I'm Not Drunk Onstage, Although I've Done That A Couple Of Times When I Was Younger. It's Partly Just The Way I Talk - I Talk Like Somebody In A Rocking Chair. I'm Your 150-year-old Grandmother.

Don't You Dare Use Party As A Verb In My Shop

What Are Children Anyway? Midget Drunks. They Greet You In The Morning By Kneeing You In The Face And Talking Gibberish. They Can't Even Walk Straight.

If You're A Comic, You Don't Have A Rehearsal Room; You Rehearse On Stage. My Main Concern Is Remembering Everything. I've Written Lots Of Material, But How Do You Memorise 90 Minutes? That's One Hell Of A Long Speech. I've Always Had Problems With That.

In The Same Way, There Is Some Creature Gnawing Away Inside Of Me, Urging Me To Do Things In Different Ways.