Hypocrisy Is The Outward Acknowledgment Of Inward

In Estimating The Adversities Of Life, We Would Seldom Have Much Reason To Complain Of The Evils We Suffer, Did We Understand The Dangers We Daily Escape.

I Like Doing A Funny Show Where I Don't Have To Act And Fall In Love With A Girl.

Stand-up Has The Best Writers, Because It's The Hardest Writing By A Million Miles.

The Standard Of Morals Is As Variable As Morals Themselves; Of Which Every Nation Has A Different Code, And Every Custom A Different Reading.

I Was In My Peak Physical Condition When I Was About Like, Uh... One. Oh God, I Looked Good, Young And Fresh! You Wouldn't Know Me Now If You'd Seen Me When I Was One, You Know? I Even Looked Good For My Age. People Would Come Up To Me And Go, What Are You, Zero? And I'd Go, No, I'm One Over Here!