Hypocrisy Is Great Fodder For Comedy.

If There's One Thing That Everyone Can Agree On, It's That, Right Or Wrong, They Hate The Press.

I Wish I Had Played Team Sports. I Think Every Kid Should. Teamwork Builds Character - Teaches People About Leadership And Cooperation.

I'd Rather Call Myself A Mischief-maker, An Imp, Rather Than A Satirist. Satirist Sounds So Self Important. Plus No One Is Calling Himself An Imp Right Now. It Makes Me Feel Special.

I Have Such Respect For People Who Do Non-fiction Casting After Settling On The Grandparents We Got For This. It Is Really Hard To Find People Who Are Not Fame-whores. We're Lucky These People Actually Wanted To Spend Their Time Doing This. All Of Them Would Have Much Rather Been Cooking Without The Cameras, Being With Their Families. That's Why They're Great Characters.

As The Great Philosopher George Santayana Would Have Said, 'those Who Cannot Remember The Past . . . Should Simply Read Jan Van Meter's Tippecanoe And Tyler Too.' Van Meter's Greatest Hits Collection Of Slogans Is The Catchiest Ever Retelling Of American History. It's Like The Greatest Minds Of Madison Avenue Sat Down To Write A History Book. They Don't Make Sound Bites Like They Used To!