Housework Can Kill You If Done Right.

Men Who Have A Thirty-six-tele Vised-football- Games-a- Week-habit Should Be Declared Legally Dead And Their Estates Probated.

I Was Too Old For A Paper Route, Too Young For Social Security And Too Tired For An Affair.

I Got To Thinking One Day About All Those Women On The Titanic Who Passed Up Dessert At Dinner That Fateful Night.

I've Never Vied For Power In The Family Before. Pointing A Box At The Garage Door And Saying "open!" Was Never A Big Deal, But Holding That Television Tuner And Realizing I Alone Control What Is Flashed On The Screen Brings Out The Iacocca In Me.

I Worry About Scientists Discovering That Lettuce Has Been Fattening All Along.