Housework Can Kill You If Done Right.

Sometimes I Can't Figure Designers Out. It's As If They Flunked Human Anatomy.

I Was A Closet Pacifier Advocate. So Were Most Of My Friends. Unknown To Our Mothers, We Owned Thirty Or Forty Of Those Little Suckers That Were Placed Strategically Around The House So A Cry Could Be Silenced In Less Than Thirty Seconds. Even Though Bottles Were Boiled, Rooms Disinfected, And Germs Fought One On One, No One Seemed To Care Where The Pacifier Had Been.

A Small Waist Makes You Tire Easily.

A Grandmother Pretends She Doesn't Know Who You Are On Halloween.

I Got So Much Food Spit Back In My Face When My Kids Were Small, I Put Windshield Wipers On My Glasses.