Homemade Sweaters Are Always Itchy.

While Some Of My Closest Friends Were Jocks, It Seemed That They Spoke A Different Language With Each Other. Joining In Their Conversation Was Fraught With Risk.

I Was Way Too Hyperactive To Study For Long. I Would Freak Out, Then Crash, Then Be Too Tired To Read Or Write. I Really Should Have Had Less Sugar.

Did I End Up Finding A Little Blue Pill To Cure America's Electoral Dysfunction? Unfortunately, It's Not That Simple.

I Have A Keurig Coffee Maker, Which Is Really Kind Of A Luxury. It Was Given To Me By An Ex. I Realized When I'm Feeling Sentimental, I'll Gently, Tenderly Press The Button. Then When I Remember He Dumped Me, I Punch It.

I'd Rather Call Myself A Mischief-maker, An Imp, Rather Than A Satirist. Satirist Sounds So Self Important. Plus No One Is Calling Himself An Imp Right Now. It Makes Me Feel Special.