Histhry Is A Post-mortem Examination. It Tellsye

It [thanksgiving] Was Founded By The Puritans To Give Thanks For Bein' Preserved From The Indians, An' We Keep It To Give Thanks We Are Preserved From The Puritans.

A Mormon Is A Man That Has The Bad Taste And The Religion To Do What A Good Many Other People Are Restrained From Doing By Conscientious Scruples And The Police.

A Man Can Be Right And President, But He Can't Be Both At The Same Time.

Opportunity Knocks At Every Man's Door Once. On Some Men's Door It Hammers Till It Breaks Down The Door And Then It Goes In And Wakes Him Up If He's Asleep, And Ever Afterward It Works For Him As A Night Watchman.

A Fanatic Is A Man That Does What He Thinks The Lord Would Do If He Knew The Facts Of The Case.