He Was A Writer And Words Were

She Was An Alien, Really - A Sort Of Eating, Pooping, Tantrum Machine - And He Didn't Understand Anything About Her Species.

...then He Looked At My T-shirt And Saw Byron's Picture On It And He Quoted "she Walks In Beauty," Which Is Like My Favorite Poem Next To The One By Baudelaire About His Girlfriend Being Nothing But Worm Food, Except That Lily Called That One First Because Baudelaire Is Her Fave Poet And So She Got The Shirt With Him On It, Even Though Byron Is Way More Scrumptious And I Would Do Him On Sharp Gravel If I Had The Chance. --from The Chronicles Of Abby Normal

Advice, Then, Young Yeoman: When Referring To The King's Middle Daughter, State That She Is Fair, Speculate That She Is Pious, But Unless You'd Like To Spend Your Watch Looking For The Box Where Your Head Is Kept, Resist The Urge To Wax Ignorant On Her Naughty Bits." -pocket I Don't Know What That Means, Sir." -yeoman Speak Not Of Regan's Shaggacity, Son" [...] -pocket

May The Irs Find That You Deduct Your Pet Sheep As An Entertainment Expense.

He Has The Attention Span Of A Hummingbird.