Few Criminals Die Sensible Of Their Crimes.

All Kinds Of Violence On The Tv. You're Not Supposed To Watch Violence On The Tv. Children, They Can't Watch It 'cause They're Afraid Maybe The Kids Will Copy Something They See On The Tv. I Can't Even Get A Funny Cartoon Anymore Because Some 12-year-old Somewhere Watched A Particularly Violent Episode Of The Road Runner-coyote Show, And The Next Day, They Found Him At The Bottom Of A Canyon, Two Giant Springs Strapped To His Feet.

I Completely Understand Why A Businessman Would Fire Me From 'saturday Night Live'. Because He Was Seeing Jay Leno Kill 10 Minutes A Night, Doing His Monologue With Wall-to-wall Laughs And Applause, Then I Do 10 Minutes A Week To, Sometimes, Breathtaking Silence. He's Just Listening For The Laughs.

If You're Looking For The Suspect In A Suicide Bombing, Here's A Clue: Look For The Dead Guy.

A Man's Enemies Are Those He Should Endeavor First To Make His Friends.

I've Just Seen Really, Really Funny Guys, And If I Didn't Know Them, I Wouldn't Know They Were Funny From The Television. I Don't Know What It Does, It Just Sucks It Away.