Fatherhood Makes You Cute. Women Find Bumbling

There Is No More Embarrassing Thing In My Life Than The Fact That I Have Actually Uttered The Phrase, 'i Would Like To Order The Ginsu Knife.'

Sometimes They'll Make Little Play-doh Animals, And When They Go To Sleep, I'll Break The Heads Off The Animals And Put Them At The Foot Of Their Beds For Them To Discover In The Morning. Nothing Wrong With Sending Your Kids A Little Sicilian Message.

The Truth Is, I Had Always Wanted To Be A Comedian, But I Really Didn't Have That Kind Of Personality, And It's A Terrifying Thing To Say.

The Swiss Have An Interesting Army. Five Hundred Years Without A War. Pretty Impressive. Also Pretty Lucky For Them. Ever Seen That Little Swiss Army Knife They Have To Fight With? Not Much Of A Weapon There. Corkscrews. Bottle Openers. ‘come On, Buddy, Let’s Go. You Get Past Me, The Guy In The Back Of Me, He’s Got A Spoon. Back Off, I’ve Got The Toe Clippers Right Here.

Make No Mistake About Why These Babies Are Here - They Are Here To Replace Us.