Everywhere Outside New York City Is Bridgeport,

You Can Take All The Sincerity In Hollywood, Place It In The Navel Of A Fruit Fly And Still Have Room Enough For Three Caraway Seeds And A Producer's Heart.

An Actor's Popularity Is Fleeting. His Success Has The Life Expectancy Of A Small Boy Who Is About To Look Into A Gas Tank With A Lighted Match.

A Committee Is A Group Of The Unprepared, Appointed By The Unwilling To Do The Unnecessary.

All I Know About Humor Is That I Don't Know Anything About It.

If I Could Get My Membership Fee Back, I'd Resign From The Human Race.