Everybody's Funny In Different Ways.

My Stand-up Act? I Combine The Fact That The World Is A Violent Place With The Fact That Each Person Is Responsible For The Situation They Are In.

People Say History Is Boring, And That Is True Because People Are Boring. We Haven't Changed Since Time Began. We're Still The Same.

You Can’t Make Everybody Laugh. You Gotta Just Do What You Think Is Funny. Just Be Obstreperous To Everybody.

I Think I Identify More With The Smart Guy, But Most People Might Take Umbrage At That. I Like To Think Of Myself As A Real Thinker, But I Suppose People Might Beg To Differ.

The Thing That Drives Me Crazy Is When Comics Say 'i Have Low Self-esteem.' No You Don't. You're Standing On Stage Asking People To Pay. You Don't Play An Instrument. You Want People To Pay To Hear What's In Your Mind. You Don't Have Low Self-esteem. You Might Have Other Problems.