Don't Think This Has Taught Me A

My Progress Reminded Me Of The Horses In The Whip. They Raced At The Limit Of Their Speed Directly Toward The Audience. But They Raced On A Treadmill Which Canceled Out Their Progress.

Wracked With A Hangover I Do My Muttering Over A Black Velvet, A Union Of Champagne And Stout. Don't Be Swindled Into Believing There's Any Cure For A Hangover. I've Tried Them All: Iced Tomatoes, Hot Clam Juice, Brandy Peaches. Like The Common Cold It Defies Solution. Time Alone Can Stay It. The Hair Of The Dog? That Way Lies Folly. It's As Logical As Trying To Put Out A Fire With Applications Of Kerosene.

I Detest Acting Because It Is Sheer Drudgery.

They Used To Photograph Shirley Temple Through Gauze. They Should Photograph Me Through Linoleum.

I Did What I Could To Inflate The Rumor I Was On My Way To Stardom. What I Was On My Way To, By Any Mathematical Standards Known To Man, Was Oblivion, By Way Of Obscurity.