Democracy Means Free Television, Not Good Television,

It Was So Hot Today That Burger King Was Singing, "if You Want It Your Way, Cook It Yourself".

Maybe We Should Hold The Next [olympic] Games In Afghanistan And Hope The Soviets Pull Out Of That One Too.

Despite The Fact That Computer Speeds Are Measured In Nanoseconds And Picoseconds - One Billionth And One Trillionth Of A Second, Respectively - The Smallest Interval Of Time Known To Man Is That Which Occurs In Manhattan Between The Traffic Signal Turning Green And The Taxi Driver Behind You Blowing His Horn.

Democracy Means That Anyone Can Grow Up To Be President, And Anyone Who Doesn't Grow Up Can Be Vice President.

Whatever You Do, You're Going To Be Criticized.