Democracy Means Free Television, Not Good Television,

According To Statistics, It's A Lot Easier To Get Hit By Lightning Than To Win A Lotto Jackpot. The Good Side: You Don't Hear From Your Relatives.

I Don't Run With Anybody's Herd. I Don't Like Crowds. I Don't Like Going To Fancy Places. I Don't Like The Whole Nightclub Scene. Cocktail Parties Drive Me Mad. So I Do My Job And I Stay Away From The Rest Of It.

The Hollywood Tradition I Like Best Is Called Sucking Up To The Stars.

I Work Because I Enjoy What I'm Doing, And The Fact That I Make Money At It - Big Money - Is A Fine-and-dandy Side Fact.

The Closest Thing To Roseanne Barr's Singing The National Anthem Was My Cat Being Neutered.