Dear 338171 (may I Call You 338?)

My Life Really Has Been One Long Extravaganza.

Any Part Of The Piggy Is Quite All Right With Me Ham From Westphalia, Ham From Parma Ham As Lean As The Dalai Lama Ham From Virginia, Ham From York, Trotters Sausages, Hot Roast Pork. Crackling Crisp For My Teeth To Grind On Bacon With Or Without The Rind On Though Humanitarian I'm Not A Vegetarian. I'm Neither Crank Nor Prude Nor Prig And Though It May Sound Infra Dig Any Part Of The Darling Pig Is Perfectly Fine With Me.

I Can't Sing, But I Know How To, Which Is Quite Different.

Good Heavens, Television Is Something You Appear On; You Don't Watch.

We Have No Reliable Guarantee That The Afterlife Will Be Any Less Exasperating Than This One, Have We?