Congratulations To Ohio State, Your New College

President Bush Says He Needs A Month Off To Unwind. Unwind? When The Hell Does This Guy Wind?

Last Night The United States Dropped Four 2,000 Pound Bombs On Saddam Hussein. I Don't Know Anything About Explosives, But, My God, Do Those Things Even Need To Explode?

The World's Oldest Woman Passed Away At 116. They Keep Dying. I Think That Title May Be Cursed.

When Martha Gets Out She'll Be Under House Arrest In Her Big $40 Million Mansion In Bedford. Boy, That'll Teach Her. She's Only Allowed Out Of The House For Doctors Visits, Grocery Shopping, Or To Dump More Stock.

Unusual Weather For New York City. Today It Was 68 And Foggy. No, Wait A Minute, That's Me. I'm Sorry, That's Me.