Common Sense Is Like Deodorant. The People

There Are A Lot Of Actors That Are More Talented Than Me At Second City Who Quit It Before They Even Got To A Paying Status. Weird Luck. I Had No Other Option.

And I Say, 'hey, Lama, Hey, How About A Little Something, You Know, For The Effort, You Know.' And He Says, 'oh, Uh, There Won't Be Any Money. But When You Die, On Your Deathbed, You Will Receive Total Consciousness.' So I Got That Goin' For Me, Which Is Nice.

I Met A Woman Who Photographed Celebrity Dogs For A Book, And She Told Me That Ralph Lauren's Dog Is Named Rugby. I Said, Yeah, But His Real Name Is Stickball.

[my Brother] Lived In A Dry Gulch Where The World Of Socks And Shoes Became Extremely Fascinating, And He Felt That Everyone Needs A Good Pair Of Socks, And Why Not Limit His Gift Giving To Something That Everybody Needs? He Thought That There Was Something Humorous About It. So He Gives Socks.

I Don't Have To Take This Abuse From You -- I Have Hundreds Of People Waiting In Line To Abuse Me!