Come Cook Food With Me And Do

I'm Kind Of Obsessed With Food. I Like To Eat. When I Tour, It's Like, Well, Like A Food Tour As Much As A Comedy Tour.

A Lot Of People My Age Think Stand Up Sucks.

If Your Job Was Remotely Interesting, There Would Be A Show On A&e About It.

You Want What You Can't Have. And If Someone's Being Shitty To You, Just Move On. If Someone's Being Shitty To You, No Matter How Great They Are, That's Shitty, And You Don't Want Be With Someone Who Treats You Shitty.

If Thou Canst Walk On Water, Thou Art No Better Than A Straw. If Thou Canst Fly In The Air, Thou Art No Better Than A Fly. Conquer Thy Heart That Thou Mayest Become Somebody.