Aren't You Scared Your Kid's Getting Kidnapped...right

Yeah, I've Been A Little Down. Totally Natural. I'm Getting A Divorce, But Now I'm Ready To Pull Myself Up By Some G-strings.

One Of The Big Things I Miss About New York Is Not My Friends So Much; It's Shake Shack, The Burger Place. I Miss Shake Shack.

Maybe That's Why I Don't Like Religion Because The First Introduction To It Was, You Don't Get To Do That Thing You Just Discovered That You Really Enjoy.

Why Would Anyone Get Married And Have Babies? That's The Dumbest Idea I've Ever Heard In My Life. Or The Scariest Thing I've Ever Heard In My Life.

What's Cool About Twitter Is That You Can Make A Joke About Something Very Of-the-moment Or Random That I Wouldn't Be Able To Joke About In Stand-up.