Child Molesters Must All Think They've Got

What Do I Care If Someone Doesn't Like Me. If I Like Someone Other People Hate, It Makes Me Feel Special. I Think My Fans Feel That Way.

My Girlfriend Was Just Killed In A Car Accident. Devastating. I Can't Believe I'm Only Going To Have Sex With Her One More Time.

With Comics, You Always Talk About A Big Break, But There Are A Lot Of Big Breaks In Your Life And Not One Of Them Makes A Big Difference.

I Don't Think Metallica Sits Around All Day Wondering Why Country Music Fans Don't Embrace Them.

My Mom, For Most Of Her Life, Was A Holocaust Denier. And It Was Terrible For The Entire Family To Have To Deal With Until, Finally, A Couple Years Ago, We Had An Intervention. And We Had A Rabbi Come Into The Home, Had Him Walk Her Through The History Of The Jewish People, And Then He Made Her Watch "schindler's List." And After That, My Mom Did A Complete 180. Now She Can't Believe It Only Happened Once.