Child Molesters Must All Think They've Got

You Look Like You Deep Fry Your Hands Before You Bite Your Fingernails.

My Mom's Been Having A Hard Time Lately. She Just Found Out That She Has To Have Both Of Her Breasts Removed - If She's Ever Going To Be Good At Golf.

When I Was Seven, I Broke My Leg Playing Soccer. Just To Feel Something.

Jeff Ross Has Been Roasting People Since Whitney Cummings Was Nothing But A Glint In The Eye Of The Man Who Raped Her Mother.

Every Comic Went Through Their Mitch Hedberg Phase - The Glasses, The Hair In The Face - And You Knew Immediately When They Were Doing It.