But If Something Funny Happens, I Can't

I Was A Soccer Cheerleader. It Doesn't Get Nerdier Than That. I Was Fired From The Soccer Cheerleading Squad After One Year, Which I Believe To This Day Is Unprecedented. You Have To Understand, No One Went To The Soccer Games. In Fact, I Believe Part Of My Duties As A Cheerleader Was To Bake Brownies For The Team.

Gwyneth Paltrow Names Her Kid Apple. I'm Not Going To Let That Stand.

Pretty Much Everywhere I Go, I'm Pretty Much Thinking I'm Going To Be Bounced. I Am Still The Outsider Who Snuck Into The Party. I Identify With The Regular Person, Because That Is Who I Am.

Life Is Adventure. Travel Is Adventure At A Different Address.

When I'm Going To See A Comedian, I Don't Want To See Them Hold Back, And When I'm Reading A Book, I Don't Want To Hear An Abridged Version.