Bowling Is Not A Sport Because You

I Remember When I Was A Kid I Used To Come Home From Sunday School And My Mother Would Get Drunk And Try To Make Pancakes

You Know Something I Could Really Do Without? The Space Shuttle. ... It's Irresponsible. The Last Thing We Should Be Doing Is Sending Our Grotesquely Distorted Dna Out Into Space.

The Planet Is Fine. The People Are F****d. Because Everyone Is Trying To Save The Planet. The Planet Doesn’t Need That. The Planet Will Take Care Of Itself. People Are Selfish. And That's What They're Doing Is Trying To Save The Planet For Themselves To Have A Nicer Place To Live.

Religion Has What Is Easily The Greatest Bullshit Story Of All Time.

Comedy Is A Socially Acceptable Form Of Hostility And Aggression. That Is What Comics Do, Stand The World Upside Down.