Bombeck's Rug Rule: An Ugly Carpet Will

You Show Me A Boy Who Brings A Snake Home To His Mother And I'll Show You An Orphan.

Maybe Age Is Kinder To Us Than We Think. With My Bad Eyes, I Can't See How Bad I Look, And With My Rotten Memory, I Have A Good Excuse For Getting Out Of A Lot Of Stuff.

One Son Appears In Stereo - A Transistor In One Ear And The Phone In The Other.

I Haven't Trusted Polls Since I Read That 62% Of Women Had Affairs During Their Lunch Hour. I've Never Met A Woman In My Life Who Would Give Up Lunch For Sex.

I've Always Felt There Are Two Things A Woman Should Never Do After The Age Of Thirty-five: Stand In Natural Light And Have A Baby.