Better Laid Than Never.

I Hate Thin People; 'oh, Does The Tampon Make Me Look Fat?'

Because I'm The Only Performer Who Comes Out And Says I've Had Plastic Surgery, I've Become The Plastic Surgery Poster Girl, Which Is Hilarious, Because Everybody Has Done It And They All Deny It. They Stand There, Like The Bride Of Frankenstein, They've All Got Stitches, And They All Say, 'i've Done Nothing.' I Talk About It.

That Baby Is So Ugly... I've Never Seen A Six-month-old So Desperately In Need Of A Wax.

I Was So Ugly That My Parents Sent My Picture To 'ripley's Believe It Or Not' - They Sent It Back And Said, "we Don't Believe It."

I Have So Little Sex Appeal That My Gynecologist Calls Me "sir."