Being Blonde, For Me, Means Never Having

The Reason We All Need A Mutton Alert, Which Needs Constant Testing, Like Smoke Alarms, Is Because There Is Really No Such Thing As Age-appropriate Dressing Any Longer, As I Know Because My Wardrobe Is Interchangeable With My Daughter's.

Being Blonde Means People Decide On Sight That You Are Much Prettier And Nicer Than You Really Are, Just As Americans Automatically Add 10 Points To Someone's Iq When They Hear An English Accent. Fact.

I Am A Total Coffee Snob And Bore. If Anyone Makes The Mistake Of Offering Me 'a Coffee' They Tend To Regret It - I'm Worse Than Mariah Carey, And The Hot Milk Rider Is Completely Non-negotiable.

I Do Not Think That Having Children - I Have Three Teenagers - Keeps You Young. The Reverse. It Thrusts You Into A Full-frontal Confrontation With Your Own All-too-obvious Maturity.

I Love Writing Journalism Because It's All Over In Two Hours And Comes Straight Off The Top Of The Head. Writing Novels Is Soooooo Much Harder. It's The Hardest Thing I've Ever Done.