Before I Was A Comedian, I Thought

Actually, I Think All Addiction Starts With Soda. Every Junkie Did Soda First. But No One Counts That. Maybe They Should. The Soda Connection Is Clear. Why Isn't A Presidential Commission Looking Into This? Or At Least Some Guys From The National Carbonation Council.

I Just Thought Everybody Lived Around Abandoned Buildings And Crack-heads, ... I Lived In The Ghetto Until I Was Like 19. I Came To Los Angeles, Stayed At Hotels And Stuff. When I Got Back And I Saw What My Neighborhood Looked Like, I Started Getting Scared.

Every Town Has The Same Two Malls: The One White People Go To And The One White People Used To Go To.

Hollywood's Racist. Hollywood Is Sorority Racist. It's Like - We Like You, Rhonda, But You're Not A Kappa.

I Can See The Humor In Just About Any Situation. After I Lost My Dad, I Realized That None Of Us Should Take Things Too Seriously, Because Everything Except Death Works Itself Out.