As I've Always Said: The Future Lies

Deep Down, I Happen To Be Very Shallow.

You Have To Understand, I Can't Do Any Jokes About Ross Perot, Because The Last Thing I Need Right Now Is Another Credit Check.

Why Should Old People Get [social Security]? They Just Sit Around All Day Doing Nothing.

I Read An Article That Said One In Five Americans Thinks Elvis Is Alive. I Want To Find Those Morons And Get Them Registered To Vote For Me.

Why Should We Tell Kidnappers, Murderers, And Embezzlers Their Rights? If They Don't Know Their Rights, They Shouldn't Be In The Business.