As A Kid, I Always Wanted To

Don't Compare Yourself With Someone Else's Version Of Happy Or Thin. Accepting Yourself Burns The Most Calories.

Before We Got Engaged, He Never Farted. Now It's A Second Language.

Being In Therapy Is Great. I Spend An Hour Just Talking About Myself. It's Kinda Like Being The Guy On A Date.

When Yer In A Funk, People In Love Are A Royal Pain In The Patookus.

I Remember I Was So Crabby In My Third Trimester - I Got Gestational Diabetes Because I'd Been Acting Like I Was In A One-woman Pie-eating Contest.