As A Kid, I Always Wanted To

I Lied On My Weight Watchers List. I Put Down That I Had 3 Eggs... But They Were Cadbury Chocolate Eggs.

My Favorite Machine At The Gym Is The Vending Machine.

Before We Got Engaged, He Never Farted. Now It's A Second Language.

Being In Therapy Is Great. I Spend An Hour Just Talking About Myself. It's Kinda Like Being The Guy On A Date.

I'd Like A Pop-up Magazine With 45 Articles On Russell Crowe. I'm Like A Teenager. I'd Have 'teen Beat' If I Could, For Grown-ups.