An Oxymoron? What's That? A Moron Who

People Are Hypocrites. If You Ask Them What They Want To See On Tv, They'll Tell You They Want Better Quality Programming. And Then What Do They Watch? 'gilligan's Island.'

Despite The Fact That Computer Speeds Are Measured In Nanoseconds And Picoseconds - One Billionth And One Trillionth Of A Second, Respectively - The Smallest Interval Of Time Known To Man Is That Which Occurs In Manhattan Between The Traffic Signal Turning Green And The Taxi Driver Behind You Blowing His Horn.

In Hollywood If You Don't Have A Shrink, People Think You're Crazy.

He's So Fat, He Can Be His Own Running Mate.

When The Public Starts Classifying You As Thoughtful, Someone Given To Serious Issues, You Find Yourself Declassified As A Humorist.